Awake

Open your eyes

I'm awake

Therefore I am

Existence hangs in a balance 

Dreams are death and relief

Bastard

Mother

I tried to please you

Father

I tried to reach you

Tomorrow

It brings on something new

And after

Falls winter to bury you

Control yourself

Think naught amiss

Remember what

Father said

To be a self 

For someone else

Is to be nothing at all

Brother

I tried to carry you

Mother

I tried to love you

In sorrow

I tried to bury you

But tomorrow

Will be the death of you

I sold myself

To someone else

And here I am

With loneliness 

I loved a stone

She drove me here

Remember what

Father said

To be a self

For someone else

Is to be nothing at all

Mystery Train

Ditt livets tåg

Sitter på ett livets tåg

På ett livets tåg

På ett livets tåg

På ett livets tåg

På väg ingenstans

Din dåtid och din framtid

Är din nutid

Och din nutid är för alltid

Your train of life

Is sittning on a train of life

On a train of life

On a train of life

On a train of life

Going nowhere

Your past and your future

Is your present

And your present is forever

And your present is never

Gravity Theory

Sunshine eyes saying nothing at all

Making strange faces to pull anything off

Cause if they knew

Then they would know

And as the light shines through

The dead will walk

And the sun will set as it used to

Because just like gravity

The rock sinks to the bottom

And as life did,

Death will find a way

Automatic / Walls / Breathe

Following a path laid out for me

Walls are rising high

And I can't see anything

In the prison of the mind

Finding loopholes in conversations

Because I'm not here entirely

Degrading mind dimensions

Cause my body is automatic

Just breathe

Breathe deep

Breathe

I'm never sure if I'm here

Or if these eyes are the headlights

And I am the deer

It's hard when nothing is functioning 

My body is working without me

Just breathe

Breathe deep

Breathe

Still on the path laid out for me

Walls are risen high

And I can't see anything

But the walls are coming down

Braid

We've grown ourselves this tree

Pretend the air is worth the breathing

Inhale the waves and the jukebox smell

The dance of the ultimate fiend

Dancing the tempting fate away

Just pretending it's all okay

Fall down, wither through

Braid the rope of time yourself

Bring it to the tree

And fall into space

I am just the square root

Of the year zero

Friend

You... Are my only friend

And I think about you every day

You... 'll never come here again

But I think about you every day

You are my only friend,

And you'll never come again

You're my only friend

And you'll never come again

And I think about you ever day

You're my only friend

And I waited til the end

But I know now that I waited in vein

You were my only friend
You'll never come again

You were my only friend
I'll never think of you again

Flow

The only flow

That I've ever known

And I've been known to know

Only other flows

Heartburn

The heat has left me 

Although inside 

The heartburn burns a hole

Right through your soul

The mind knows nothing

The cock does what it feels

All those wee chemicals

Strings inside of me

Disgustingly arousing

Deafening stench felt

Through bodily sensations

Acid down your breath

Burn me for a witch

A knife through my chest

I will be rebirthed

In a heart arrest

The Great White

We always said its alright

Wrap your clouds and hold me tight

Promises

Promises lie so white

If someone's lowest point is okay

You know you'll meet again

Somewhere

Somewhere on the way

Get lost, don't contemplate

Emotions clear as disarray

Take all that you are

And throw it away

No reasons

Reasons are no good here

I thought I knew

Now I'm left with empty words

But worlds are just clay

So I wait

Wait for the tide to take me away 

Drömhav

Nu vaknar du

Allt verkar böjbart

Jag ser mig runt

Men jag ser inget alls

Jag knyter på skon

Men hon har fått nog

I drömmen fann jag

Ett berg uti ett hav

Med solen finns hon

Och den finns i henne

Men var är du?

Nu vaknar du

Allt verkar böjbart

Jag ser mig runt

Men jag ser inget alls

Jag knyter på skon

Men hon har fått nog

I drömmen fann jag

Ett berg uti ett hav

Med solen finns hon

Och den finns i henne

Men var är du?

Far ut på färd

Och vandra gatorna

Det ser mörkt ut

Så använd stjärnorna

Evigt sittandes tills nu

Nu kliver hon ut

Nu vaknar drömhav

Mitt hjärta slår

Utom takt

Så van vid ett liv

Som är begravt

Supposedly

It's not me

It can't be

You're not here

This is not how it was supposed to be

Luck / Plans

There ain't no such luck

In this place

There ain't no such luck down here

Make plans

And follow through

You cannot win

By staying true

Make plans

That fall through

As everything else

Including you

Price tags & Bodybags

The world's filled with nothing

And nothing's always something

Roaming the earth

With your shopping carts

Pricetags, on body bags at the market

Leap

Throw away

All of our clocks and watches

Time is holding me back

Leap forward forever

And take it back

Feathers

Running from the inside

Waking up cold from the sleep

Swim up

Like it's all just a dream

I know how it feels

In your sky there's a hole

All the lights glow cold

Be the feathers on my wings

If you know how it feels

Swallowing whole the nightmare

Try to throw it up, throw it out

And if no ones there, I will be

Wanted

The world stops spinning

When you are around

When songs revolve around everything

To be wanted,

Oh, oh, oh,

What a wonderful thing it must be

Ashtray

She put the sun out

She put the son out

She put out

Butted out

You can say what you say about me

Forever in fear of dismay

When living in an ashtray

Days & Nights (Shadows)

When all you see is shadows 

When you live in the regret

I don't see people anymore

I don't see life outside my door

The shadow swallows my all

Lay me down so I can survive

Rest, child, tomorrow's another lie

How can things change with time

When time's just the ground which we climb

Day by day, pill after pill

Another meal, another cig

What better way to spend my days?

Another sigh, another yawn

I'll just lay down here out of sight

What better way to spend my night?

Ghost

I've seen the ghost

The rope's been itching my neck

For quite some time now

House of Bones

I built my house with your bones

Your shattered dreams are my home

I share my bed with a reaper

Your life hangs in balance

Your suffering is my talent

I am your God now

Can you 

I smite like it's my job

Falling Stars

When the darksome clouds piled

I was left wishing for a falling star

Years later, fumbling for the pieces

Wishing for a wish, but forgot the reason

Nothing but an obscure thought

Now I find out, you found what you sought

Leading this wreck of a starship

Scared of walking in case I trip

Still here wishing for a falling star

Shame

I feel such shame

To exist as a human being

Knowing that you're out there,

That I'm here,

Where the righteous are fucking wrong

I am ashamed for everything 

Ashtray

She put the sun out

She put the son out

She put out

Butted out

You can say what you say about me

Forever in fear of dismay

When living in an ashtray

Running Empty

I feel like I'm running empty

Out on this highway

And what remains is a lonely, lonely walk

I ran low low on the highway

After the carcrash you left me inside

Now I have to walk all alone

Chemtrail Painting

I never felt such a powerful thrust
Winds howled warm as the snow thawed to rust
I never met a widow of a planet so true
I felt sorrow, but hope blossomed as I looked at you

There might never be a way
The sky is endless as we are born astray
Buy we can soar through the clouds we are trapped in
I'll see you where the sky ends and the ocean begins.

Free the birds from the cage in my chest,
A cage built of grief, anger and despair
A dying chemtrail painting across the air
Fly far away, my love, don't ever look back
As I dig another grave for another hay in the stack

To Want to not to Want

How I can't fill this empty space 

Forgiving all I've learned

Deserving to get so much more

I want to be so much more

I want to be someone

I want to live

I want to strife

I want to see

I want not to die

This whole entitiy makes no sense without you

To want to to not want to die

To not want to want to cry

Every step is another lie

All the time I was saving for

Was just a life that I did ignore

I want others beings just to die

This whole entitiy makes no sense without you

To want to to not want to die

To not want to want to cry

"Writers Block"

Perhaps I should've lived to be able to write. All I am is empty words.

Bad Morning

See myself in a mirror

Got that morning face, morning hair

Hungover on life

Bad, bad mornings

Stab myself in the face

Rip out my hair

Bad, bad mornings

My bed is now a coffin

I think I will die

Choking on black coffee 

Untraditional

Untraditionally romantic

Never appreciated 

Holding hands

Acting as a pillow too

And when I sleep alone

The pillow is acting you

But it's not like it should be

It's not like the movies 

And it's not like the life

I'm untraditionally romantic

I will love you

Glove

I don't know how I'd get outta this place

I keep stepping up to the plate just to fall right off again

A cloud filling down a cup, never enough,

Overflown with guilt until it bursts

Laying around, killing the pain

To wait so long, it'll drive you insane 

Waiting for a friend to grab me by the hand

A hand in a glove in the winter winds

No Lights

How we tell each other that it'll all be fine

That it'll all work out

While we know for ourselves that it's a one way lane 

With no lights after dark

Picking Flowers

My mind is bleeding

Leaking like a blown up sewer

Wanting but can't be reading

All the good things become the fewer

My guts are boiling acid

Emotions are running loose

The mind remains flaccid

Picking flowers to braid a noose

Hunting people, saving things

Trapped in a room with truth

Death comes crying as bells will ring

Righteous murderer, who lets you choose

The son of guilt will be the herd

The blood runs down from the moon

'Cause someone must grasp the reins

And bring all hell down on you

Cough

Waking up staring down a gun barrel

The hatred is filling the lunga of a drowning baby

I want to murder an destroy everything in my way

Most of all myself

Have you ever woken up staring down a gun barrel?

I wonder exactly how long it will take

Before somebody even notices I'm gone

But I'm done with my thoughts

I'm done with your actions

I'm done with these feelings

I'm done with what I see

If I cough one more time, I'll slit my fucking throat

If you say a damn word, I will choke

The Cause

I am running out

Of these hollow fields

What I'm stuck here for

No death could ever heal

The cause is a mind

And for that there is no pill

The earth is spinning on

As I am standing still

Such amount of weight to shoulder

It's much too much to bare

I'll dig a grave much deeper

Than the love I always shared 

The Comfort Zone

I am wide awake when I will kill myself
I never chose a different path
Street lights are glowing
Just like eyes that are knowing
We will never forget
But never remember
The comfort zone
I'm leaving
Adios

Rain

I float on an ocean of alcohol
No rain will bother me
Pretend that I never existed
The memory is dim
Your mother is conflicted
In the flutters of the end of outer rim
I'll pretend I was aborted
I'll never let myself live

Digestion

Life could not digest me
So I pulled it out for just this time
Yeah

I'm stepping out of life
So I'm pullin out this time
Yeah

I imagine this is how a burn victim feels
So I'm pulling out for good
Yeah

Mother's Day

I will regret it for the rest of my life
But hell, what's another regret?
Put 'em on the pile, learn to forget
Killing life with lies and silences

Why, O why, mother?
Did you only think of yourself?
Have you never known of the suicide rates?

Abort, abort, before it begins

Did it never occur?

That agony will pay for all your sins

Paying debts with nothing bought

Life's a lesson never taught

Bring me out before for your eyes

Eyes burnt blind by a sun so bright

A day to appreciate my given health

When all you gave me was a slow death

Mother, O mother,

Death awaits you too

But never, my mother,
Will I forgive you

Post-sleep

I don't know what to do
As sleep didn't save me
Cause when I woke up
There was no one beside me
You're still far away and you won't even speak to me

A big black empty space in bed
A black hole where you used to be
I'm sorry for whatever I did
I can't seem to get a hold of me
I can't seem to be someone else
Or good enough to save myself

You don't have to love me back
Just don't be gone forever like all the rest

Lonely Highway / Summer's End

Don't you know
I haven't lead a life to believe
I haven't led a life worth living
As I picture myself in a book or a film
But damn, that's something my life will never be in

I can't wait no more
The crops have come and gone
Died and went beyond
Leaving frozen ground to slip upon
I gotta get out
Before I hit summer's end
I gotta get out
Cause my life's running out again

This time I caught me staring at me
Just like the times before
There's just me and me and me
Gotta let myself know
No one's gonna keep you in their thought
No one's gonna ever pick you up
Gotta walk this lonely highway
Like there's no place left to go

Handsome Noose

Don't give up, boy
There's too much to lose
But when you wake up only
To a sleeping pill and some booze
My dreams can't ever come true
My shadow hangs low in a handsome noose

Ocean Floor

And we'll swim to the ocean floor
And we'll find no open doors
And we forgot we nailed the windows shut
When we lost the word that we could trust

Swear for ones sake
Let love prevail
Showered me in pain
Let this not have been in vain

Weather

The sun is warm to the skin
But the cold winds come after

Shower yourself in love
Tremble not in fear
So tell me, dear,
Was it worth it?

Stay In Bed

Stay in bed
From this day
Until my last
May it come soon

The dawn is breaking
Once more shall life show
But I shall not
I'll stay in bed
From this day until my last
May it come soon

There Goes the Light

Another specially designed coffin
A bed for a child, a meadow for a sheep
A small coffin for another ruined life
Another lit candle, losing what was bright
Because it was too cold and alone
And a candle can't survive, so there goes the light

Dead Living

I don't sing songs of lost love
I sing of love not received at all

All the great poets and lyricist
They had and so they lost
I lay here on my own
As my soul starts to frost

Born dead, baby skeleton in a cradle
Dead living for the living dead
Just another horse in the stable

Dead Crow

Cars drive by one a lonesome highway
The leaves they fell like tears on my face
Now the snow has come and gone
And the life that was is now but hollow bones

I'm just a dead crow at the side of the road

Then spring came and so did the birds
The sun shun, flowers bloomed but by then I was just dirt
The sun kept shining, the life was lived
But not by me, I was but dirt in the street

Driver

No driver at the wheel
I'm taking a ride with my best friend
He feels what I feel
I'm taking a ride by myself

He's unreliable but he's all I've got
Pretending to like him doesn't work
When I need him he's nowhere to be seen
We hate each other, he's no longer a teen
Take the damn wheel, we can't go on this way
Let the damn thing crash, is all he can say
Why don't you take it yourself, you defend
I can't help but to rely on my best friend

No driver at the wheel
We're far off the tracks, me and him
He sees what I see
Crash and burn within
The tires break, my friend escapes
The needy bitch died all alone

Ashes in the Wind (Eyelids)

Throughout all my life,
As I breathe and sin
Keep in mind that no matter how bright
The sun will set just like eyelids

Like ashes in the winds
You wage a war you cannot win
And the best of loves will too cave in
And the life was lost when I ceased to begin
And as I am, as I fall in,
I am ashes in the winds

Bones

Defend your castle
With all your might
I won't get through
The sea will wash my bones away

Cut me down
Burn me up
Leave me be
The sea will wash my bones away

Watch me burn
See me scream
Look at me
Before the sea will wash my bones away

Greenhouse

You are my love
I'm imprisoned, you're my warden
My secret garden
The greenhouse, my graveyard
You are my box,
My sun and stars

I enjoy a good killing
Just like any other
Who's to blame here?
The mother and father?
Anyone at all?
Do you blame me for life?
I have always been small
In a world too bright

I just put them where they belong
From what they came, a worm
To be devoured in a song
A worm for a worm, a world for a world
In my secret garden
My greenhouse
My graveyard

Apologies

I'm sick of apologies
But I am and I will always be
'Cause I may mean well
But I was born in this human hell
And I'm fucked in the head
It must've been something I said
So for forever, my sympathy
And as always, I am sorry

Zero

Empty skies, are filled with stars
Zero is a also number
An empty room is filled with air

Maricha

Place my palm on upon your cheek
With the end of my fingers just beneath your ear
Gently graced by the end of your hair
Softly caress your cheek with my thumb
Rub it from where your tears have streamed
Slowly onwards and onto your lips
I look you straight into the eyes
And I could never look away
So I remove my thumb from your lower lip
And gracefully drag it down to your chin
You look right back into my eyes

Star

And it doesn't matter how far I go
Cause the hurt's like a burning star
And it will always show

Change my thoughts and change my world
But you're the clouded sun of my thoughts

Necklace

Wear me like a locket
Wear me like a noose
Put me in your pocket
Or throw me down the sewers
Do with me what you like
'Cause I have nothing left to lose
The railway ended here,
Right before you

Breathing or Not (Internet Rambling)

[2013-03-15 21:51:10] Ollie: But I don't function properly.
[2013-03-15 21:51:27] Ollie: And the place I've put myself in on this planet
[2013-03-15 21:51:38] Ollie: I've dug a grave so deep
[2013-03-15 21:52:01] Ollie: I made my grave and now I get to sleep in it
[2013-03-15 21:52:04] Ollie: Breathing or not

Chemtrail Painting

I never felt such a powerful thrust
Winds howled warm as the snow thawed to rust
I never met a widow of a planet so true
I felt sorrow, but hope blossomed as I looked at you

There might never be a way
The sky is endless as we are born astray
Buy we can soar through the clouds we are trapped in
I'll see you where the sky ends and the ocean begins.

Free the birds from the cage in my chest,
A cage built of grief, anger and despair
A dying chemtrail painting across the air
Fly far away, my love, don't ever look back
As I dig another grave for another hay in the stack

Smile

Turn around, turn around
Just one more time
Turn around turn around
And you'll see me cry
Turn around turn around
Just one last time

Give me your last smile

Turn that head round,
Show me that beautiful smile
I'm not crying,
I just got something in my eye
Turn that pretty head round another time

Turn around turn around
Just for another day
Turn around turn around
Maybe decide to stay
Turn around turn around
Everything's okay

When you smile
If you smile
Please just smile

Rotten

Demons birthing demons
Some will stand by and watch
Some will be the ones you watch
One rotten apple will spoil the bunch

I Become You

As you scroll through your iPod and no song is ever sad enough. 'Cause nothing in this world could ever be used to express your pain and the sickness in your gut from not dying soon enough. The anxiety pumping straight through your fucking chest as you can hardly breath, you're drowning in your body and you're screaming from pain but no one at the surface can ever hear.
They will never fucking understand, as you could never understand how to spend a waking moment without wishing for a bullet to become one with your brain.

Thin Ice

I'm walking on thin ice again
Pulse is raising, mind is fainting
And the cracks of on my fears
Sounds like post-rock to my ears

Like I've forgotten how I fell
Water is filling the draught up well
And I wonder if I'm born again
The dead is rising up from hell

But just like that the ice broke through
I was captured under ice like an animal in a zoo
I don't blame you, It was I who walked, so I'm too blame
And as fast as I rose, I was pulled back to the grave

Liquid

It may be a losing war
But I'll be here to stop you from bleeding dry
Watching in fright as you run out
I'll put pressure onto your wounds with my mouth
I'll kiss your scars and your wounds

Taming the might of our doubts
Tears running dry along with the blood
The liquid of an empty last though
The pool of injustice and failures
Gathered from a lifetime of death and fears
Convince ourselves, in desperation,
That we will drown forever in one another

Until the very last drip,
Until the very last thought,
I will drink it all and shower in stars

Reflected Conversation (and The Worth of the Last Bullet)

"Take your time,
Be sure to aim well.
This is your last chance,
I saved this one just for you."

So savor the last bullet,
'Cause there's no going back.
So there's no coming back.
I'm not even sorry.
Goodbye.

Return to Sender

I just want to drown in your sorrowed soul
I am too aware that I don't belong

Close to the edge of it all
Waiting for the end of the winter
Lose the feeling in one limb after another
I breathe the last warm air
Into the hollow killing wind
I'm twisting in forevers till I move
Endlessly writing letters to home

But as my air run out
and my letters return
I am too aware that I'm on my own
All I want to do is to drown in your soul

Accepted

I still think about you
Without obsession
I tremble and crumble down
Forever forsaken
Accepted

But as I dream and as I breathe
I drown in the darkest of pools
But for the worse,
I will find you the dark

Footsteps

You're me in another lifetime
Another minute
Another day or night
Another sun or moon
You are me
But still far away
In a forgotten space
Never to discover
The way back here
I guess when you read this
I will be dead
Because time has no limit
Not space to require
You will never exist again

Safe

A fever like dream state
Or nightmare
Scratching on the surface
Like tiny snowflakes on the roof
I don't know how it felt like to be alive
I can't recall

I'm not dead yet, I think

At least I'm shielded
From the cold of the winds
You can't get me now
But neither can I
I have lost control
I am safe but to what price?

Where the Nightmares are

All the sleep in the world
Couldn't save me from myself

Her Name was Forgotten

Waiting for that girl in bright colors
To turn her head and see me
Right in the eyes
Speak to me
I can't survive in this silence anymore

Stars Don't Mind

I'm coming down
Downstream like a log or a fish
I'm coming down
Hit a rock or two and all the ones I missed
I'm coming down
Visiting earth just another last time
I'm coming down
Gravity pulls and the stars don't mind
I'm coming down
Like a meteor in the ocean
I'm coming down
Sinking seems to have become an emotion

To Bring a Rainbow to a Gunfight

Do you remember
When you destroyed a life
All for heaven's sake
So it was surely justified
All we've lived and all we've loved
I aim and shoot my arrow
For the death of all above
I catch metal with my body
I refrain from feeling sorry
I leak just like a river
I descend and I forgive her

Solar Ex-lipse

I want to wake up
Next to the sunshine of your mind
Through the sunshine of mine
You're my only guiding light

Balloons

If I just close my eyes
And hang on tight
I'll float up high
Into the sky
Up away above the clouds
Look down at life with little doubt
This is definitely not my home
I will let go,
Keep my eyes closed,
And hang on tight forevermore

Between These Walls

Failing to see any care
Living in detachment warfare
Blinded by the darkness of night
The life here on earth's just too bright
I could care less of it all
All in between these walls

The Depth

Forgotten into the birth
Forgotten into the earth

I'd run away
But you hold me close
I'd run away
But I'll hold on to you

Forgotten into death
Forgotten into the depth

I'd run away
But I'm diving into
I'd run away
But I'm coming to you

Beating

The sin's the color of your room
All by my own
One day we will

There won't be no more beating
Only truth will shine in your eyes

Follow

I will find you
Under the sea
I will guide you
Follow me

The drones are dead
I remain

I will find you
Beneath me
I will guide you
If you follow me

Paralysis

The great life
Oh, thunder wave
The malpractice of strife
One man under a grave
One world under a cemetary

The Blue Giant

A cloud of gas and dust
But is it cold enough?
Gravity turns to anarchy
The pressure, the density
The energy
Running in circles, out of sight
In a space so dark, a light so bright
Burning for an eternity
I scream

The White Dwarf

I hope it does end
What a relief
A final sigh of relief
A release of one's hydrogen supply
A final thought
A realization
An enlightenment
A life

Monday Hangover

At times
I can't help but to pity myself
And my fractured mind

Disappointment: What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You

I hope this is the end
I can't bear to let you down
To see that smile frown
From a white to black gown
I hope this is the end.

Vertigo

I've never known apathy until now
This is true indifference
I thought I was weak
Well, look at me now
I'm old
I'm stuck
I'm slipping into vertigo
I'm breathing
My heart's beating
But my mind is wasting
I'm blind but tasting
Dreamless life
Lifeless sleep

Entombed

Take me away
Your eyes burn
And scar too
We are entombed

Watch our bodies lie
As you fade
Or walk away
Take me with
Dwelling in the mist
Searching for something
You're now nothing

Take me away
My eyes burn
And lie too
I am entombed

Progress

Why not?
A cow? A pig? A Chicken?
Because it's wrong
We're all ghosts of the same thing

Don't stop now
We're progressing
We're evolving
We're surviving the apocalypse

That's impossible
So you say

Regrets

So much regrets
Twisting and turning temples
Make the pain go away

The inevitable decay of flesh and brains
The inevitable loss to dark from day

You can't lose any sleep
If there is none to lose at all

Destruction II

I believe in the weakness
And I believe in the wickedness
Of the human race
I have to pay for giving a shit
Well, no more

I have had enough of this
I will not doubt me when I'm wrong
'Cause I am never so
I will bring destruction upon you

And you will be no more

1182

We saw the sun pass 1182 times.
But I never really noticed it
Because I was watching you
All along

We saw the planes fly over clouds alone
That's about the time when I saw you float
I floated with you
Beside you
Dead

Reach out
Nothing can touch the beauty of a last caress

Trust

I will give you away
You will trust me again
I will give you a way

Your holy ghost
My cursed halo
My beloved crown of thorns
I left you on my own


I will give you away
You will trust me again
I will give you a way


I reach out now
With my eyes closed, hoping
For you to take me
'Cause I forgot how to climb

Burn The Forests

I've been carrying my weight for a long way now
I'm going home to my nightmares
You're wearing your gown
Just hoping for a chance of a dream

The brutes and the storms
The cancer lives within
Burn the forests down
To do the creatures in

Lucky

Count your ghosts
Count your voices
Count your blessings
Count your money
Count your corpses
Count so many
Count yourself lucky
For having any

Speak to yourself
Just leave me be
Whatever you do
Just leave me be
Speak to your voices
Or kill your choices
I couldn't care less

Just promise me
That before you go
And slip into the night
Don't ever come back

Sublimation

I have recently been thinking a lot about beings, entities, minds, minds or souls, if you will.
I have come to no conclusion.
"I think, therefore I am".
Have I passed on?
My memories are my past,
My thoughts are my present,
Yet my being is infinite.

I am shadowed by the clouds covering the free sky.

My stories are hollow and my dreams are howling.
They are praying to the sun, and to the moon.
I am a dead man.
But we forget.
Distorted reality with the fog of faith.
The black, the white and the gray.

Withering flesh and dying flowers.
Ink will fade, and stars will fall.
The sun will freeze to death in the darkness of it all.
The humble ambiance of the universe.

The inevitable sublimation of the mass.

Tainted Flower

This place is just another dead end
For I've walked these paths again and again
I have forsaken you, my tainted flower
As forsaken am I these ungodly of hours

Hairs

What keeps us trapped in this burning tower?

Don't bury me
I'm scared
Just don't bury me
Don't burn,
Don't rot,
Just endure in an endless breath
No hairs are gray
No love is left astray
The frame of the portrait can't rust in the rain
Just don't trap me in a grave

Lashing Out

I want to harm someone
I need to
This trapped soul will lash out
Before evaporating.

Outlet

I just sit here all day
Drink and smoke
Thinkin' 'bout ways of dying
To hurt someone, I keep fantasizing
I can't take it anymore
I need to find an outlet
I need to destroy

Art

Thoughts are running scared
Scattered from it all
My mind would look a lot better splattered on the wall

The Last Day

This is a bad day
I think I might take all of my pills

Forgive my poor efforts
I'm well aware of their flaws
The pain that I feel
Goes against all of life's laws
My mind is boiling
My flesh is melting
I am done for
It's burning, I'm twitching
The reflection can't touch reality anymore

Trapped under the frozen river below
Just like dead flowers beneath the snow

Today is a bad day
This may be the last day
That I'll ever know
I know I have said so before

Flower Bed

Wouldn't you do this world a grand favor
Put this boy out of this misery
Poor, poor boy
And his poor, poor girl
What used to be a flower bed
Is now a rotten, forgotten world
Lay my head to rest
Let me sleep in
Before you let me down
'Cause I'd rather see you dead
Than to be with another man

Your Smile

I'll never get out of here alive
I can't forget about your smile
How am I supposed to survive
You taught the sun to shine

Dead Leaves in the Pool

I'll never forget the sight
Of the dead leaves in the pool
When I realized that
No man is big enough
We use our loneliness
And our brokenness as a tool

Miserable

I'm so miserable
Because I can be
I can't remember
When I last saw me
I take steps in every direction
Try new paths and new maps
I will tear this world a new one
Before I find a way back

Candlelight

This weak, weak light
This mere candle
Has gone up against
The nights of the universe
An endless space with no stars
No sun, no Gods
Who's going to save me now?

Guilt

I never meant to cry
And to make you feel bad
Guess guilt kept you in
Kept you from leaving
Sooner than you did

The Lynching

Everyone,
Rally 'round the tortured heart
Kick and beat him while he's down

Everyone,
Tear his heart out and feed
Put him out of his misery

Consumed

Man kan inte lita på en människa
Man bygger vapen utav paranoia
Utav rädsla för en ilska
För ett hat och för en fruktan
Så flyr de rika till Mars
Där en blomma har blommat
När Jorden är förbrukad

//

You can't trust a human being
You build weapons out of paranoia
Out of fear for an anger
For a hatred and for a fear
So the rich will flee to Mars
Where a flower has bloomed
When the earth has been consumed

Give Up

You think I don't know
But I knew more than you knew
I knew you were gone
Before you even left
And they say that when you love
You let them go
But I still hate myself
forever for doing so

I give up
I can't keep up
So, I give up

Wedding Blues

I went to a wedding
Dressed for a funeral
The priest preached about life and love
While my woman gave me death

The darkness permeates through me
And I don't mind
The blues is what's giving me life

Even a lonely dog
Conspired with desperate needs
Refuses to even look at me

The world ain't no wonderful place

The Pains and the Hope for a Cure

Fucking dead
The storm is coming
The fear strikes within
Can you tell me what is worth it?

The pains and the hope for a cure
Exploding within nothing,
How much must I endure?
I have cared too much
And for way too long
The debt has been paid
A long time ago

The last will and force will go
To writing myself off
To distance myself from you
And to leave while I have the energy to

Destruction I

How could the face of destruction
Be so beautiful?
The face of humanity
Is unbelievable
I believe the truth will conquer us
Saving grace just ain't enough
We've welcomed hell
By making it up

We've pulled away the chair
And sat right down
The firemen are too drunk
When Satan comes to town
Saving us from the people
In our surroundings
The people clogging up our minds
Burying the findings

Remember destruction
And innocence
The faith is lost
As is the tenderness
I'll face my will
No matter what it costs

Once Upon a Time

He may hold you in his arms
But you gave me your everlasting love
How could he ever take that away?
No love can just disappear in thin air

Do you remember how we cried?
And how we laughed and how we smiled
I remember all those times
Once upon a time, once upon a time

Atrophy

I believe in atrophy
There are no days where I am young
I am hundreds of years old
In dog years

This isn't what I meant to do
So how did I end up here?
I knew that it was too good to be true
You dropped right off at some wayward station
And I am lost and on my way to hell
There's no one near as far as I can tell

So I believe in atrophy
God, just smite me
I am here on my knees
If you won't,
I'll have to rely on my sidekick

Chains

I see you in the corners
Of every damned room
The chains of love
Have always kept me bruised
The rain clouds float
Underneath the ceiling
The life I lost
No longer has any meaning
Forgive me, my love
I am no human being

Running Out

There's never been a time
When I've been feeling good
I'm surrounded by walls
And I've got nothing to do
You tell me to just go out
Enjoy the sunshine
If I'd be able to
Why the hell wouldn't I?

I'm running out
In the drain
I'm running out of love
So I sing

There ain't no cure for
What doesn't exist
You just tell me to stop
Being a pessimist

I'm running out
In the drain
I'm running out of love
So I sing

Bad Day

Today is a bad day
I ain't got no sympathy
I haven't forgot
How you abandoned me
For some bastard bitch
After all you said
After all you promised
Now I've got nothing

Are you happy now?
You've destroyed me
You told me it was forever
But you just wanted to be free

I'm dead now
There's no hope
Thanks to you
I ain't bulletproof
And this kevlar is sinking me

Cage

They lead us up for auction
And there's no telling why
I've been born inside a cage
I've been counting down my days
Of this precious life of mine
I've been searching for a midnight train
To take me out of sight

They took me out of order
Cause I was in no place of worth
I guess they thought this cage life
Was the best that I could herd
I've come back down to the place I love
To the riverside just down below
I took the pills they fed me
And now I'm breaking of the hurt
They took what was the light of mine
And now I'm wasting my own luck

I've been counting down my days
Of this precious life of mine
I've been searching for a midnight train
To take me out of sight

Sunrise of the Sundown

I won't, won't, won't
Won't be afraid
When the light comes my way

And I've been living by the ocean
For some time now
And I've been tending not to watch
Until the sun's down

But I won't, won't
But I won't, won't
I won't won't be afraid
When the light comes my way

The sun is rising,
And the clouds are pink and purple
And it's 'bout time
That I burst my bubble



But I won't, won't
I won't won't be afraid
But I won't, won't
I won't won't be afraid
When the light comes my way

Afraid

We're just dead aliens
In a dead space
Cease to exist
But have never existed
I'd like to pretend it will lead somewhere
But I won't
I'm afraid

Summer's Over

Summer's almost over
And I've got nowhere to go
Too peaceful and too quiet
As the the winter comes creeping on

Screaming to currents and headwinds
With no answer at all

Pretend there are exits
When there's nothing at all
A room with no windows
And nothing but pictures on walls

At The Bordello

Can't believed I've starred this long
In this b-movie, debt caused filled horror song
Laid down in a casket just to rise again
Too weak for my endless life begin
No dollar could save my soul
No woman could ever cover up this hole

Spending the weekend at the bordello

Drink after skank, skank after drink
Just another day at the bordello

I can't seem to notice what I've done wrong
What I lack in personality, life and soul
In debt for something I never enjoined
Too weak to work to pay for what I've never known
No dollar could save my soul
No woman on this earth could mend my world so torn

Spending years at the bordello
Drink after skank, skank after drink
Just another year at the bordello

Lost track of time at the bordello
Drink after skank, skank after drink
Spending my life at the bordello

Spent a lifetime at the bordello
Drink after skank, skank after drink
I lay my head at rest, on my death bed, at the bordello

The Birds

No place to wander
No church
No house
No garden
The birds are all on fire

Dreams

It was all a dream
Too bad I can't forget
I try too hard
Oh, my exhausted memory

I never remember when I want to
I tend to see what I haven't seen
Spending nights and nights being dead

Fear Is Now Desire

It's too late but I don't wanna go to bed
The bed is on fire
I'm so tired but I don't wanna go to sleep
Fear is now desire


Tell me what you said
Again, again
Kill your only friend
again, again
I fought you 'til the end
Dead end, dead end


It's so cold, but I'm sweating down a pool of blood
Take care of her for me, please
I'm so worried that I just might go and throw my head
It's late and you're on your own

Protect

Protect the safety we all know
Shut the door and end the show
Just when I thought that we would be okay
That we'd spend less time digging our graves
We'll never be okay,
We'll never be okay

Mind Fuck

I can't seem to live with myself
My mind keeps tricking me to believe
To live and to
forgive and forget you
For all of the heartache that you have caused
But I know, I know, I'm nothing but flaws

Roll around in bed, twitching in pain
Empty my head with a gun
Just to survive another day

Fate

You are better off not knowing
I am the only one left
I have to protect you at all cost

You are better off not knowing
Of my gruesome fate
In this dead end drive

Sleeping

Sleeping
It's peaceful and quiet
So is it being awake at night
Then again,
What is there to be awake for

It's an endless battle
Which I'm losing

Chemtrails

I'm so starving so bad
And there's no reason why
I protect myself from what I never had
Just killing myself before you can try

You are the explosion in my sky
I read your lips and they're asking me why


You gently play the strings of my heart
While my head spins off in this roundabout
Chemtrails lead the way to where you are
I will follow the ways of the stray
To then get lost among the stars

Existence

I just want exist again
To burn up any of your beautiful senses
Exist with me
What it really is to be

Tide

The tide waves are coming in
The clouds have showered my every dream
Terrible things are threatening me
I will lose my mind if I keep standing here
Flowers are growing from my grave
They grow and shine in the summer day
They'll wither and die, I'm sure
When the cold wind blows in the dark winter

At Home

I miss my home
I never really felt alone
Arrows fly across the globe
I remember when I was at home

I died at home
I have never felt so alone
Arrows flew into my bones
I remember when I was at home

I will cry knowing
That I've lost it all
I will never be able to look back
I will never ever feel at home

Win/Win

I'm so sick of being this
I'm trained to not feel a thing
Nothing to lose, nothing to win
Nothing to win, nothing to win

Clouds

Sick of taking care of everyone

Sparing lives that I have never felt

The river's running dry

The mind is running low

I have never felt anyone

I can hardly bare with you

The clouds feel soft 

When I touch them

When I fly through

They disappear

Launching

This is the beginning
Of the end
I don't know what's coming next
But I'm not sure if I care


I'm firing off
Launching
All these terrible notions
Fueling me
This one last ride


Nothing is good enough
I'm taking off
Into space

Drunk

I'll come home drunk again
And regret everything
You fell out of love
My heart cost it all

How could you do that
How could you say those things
Then just take it back

I'll come home all alone
What's the rush
There's nothing at all
You left, now there's no soul
Your heart cost me too much

Isolated

Isolated from the world
I try to stand but the wind hurls
I might just stay where I was conceived
I have not died, because I have not lived

Spinning the world around
I forgot what my mission was
Taking turns on a shining bright
Floating close but never in sight

I have not died, because I have not lived
I will stay were I was conceived
It won't be long, it won't be long now
The world is spinning out of control

Leaving

I'm leaving

And I'm left with my torn head

I'm leaving

And I'm giving up on this life so fed

I'm leaving

And I'm left with my pills

I'm leaving

I'm left with a stone cut hell

I'm leaving

But I think I left quite some time ago

I'm leaving

I don't think it will affect anyone

I'm leaving

But I have no place to go

Morgue

Wherein lies the happiness
I must've lost key to the chest
Forget about it or destroy it
Tear the world apart
With a shadow-filled and broken heart
Lost my faith in people long ago
I've lived a life such as Achilles toe

The weather prognosis shows death
The respirator knows better than to tamper with that
So when I come, drive me straight to the morgue instead
Saving me is just saving yourself

Drowned

Are you gone?
Where are you now?
My body drowned
My heaven fell down
I'm trapped in this world
There's one way out, I have heard

Uuuhhh
Uuuuhhh
Uuuuuhh
I drowned before my body sunk

You left me alone
How far have you gone?
I'm pleased you are doing well
I just wish it'd be me there
And not trapped in this hell

We sailed for a lifetime in our heads
Forever and ever, we said
How could I have let you go?
I was wrong, I was wrong
Why did you let her down?
You killed yourself, and then you drowned

Oooohh
Aahhhhh
Uuuhhhh
I died before my body sunk

Moving On

I've lost the only break I ever caught
It spread it's wings
And flew away
Far away
Away from here

Moving on



Once again the summer winds blow
The winter comes
The birds they flee
Flee away
It's time to go


Moving on


I'm standing here all on my own
I've got two feet
And no loving
No willing
No place called home

Still

I still think about you every day
Despite it all, I feel the same way
I can't accept that we're not intact
We were the only beauty that I ever had
We were so close and so invincible
And despite all fights, we conquered it all

But no more fights,
and no more kisses
No more cries
And no more misses

Waking up each day stuck in a nightmare
The only fear I never had is leaving me in despair
What we had were more true than any words could describe

I'll keep on denying,
keep on crying
Keep on living
keep in dying
I'll keep on dreaming
I'll keep on trying
To relive our magic, but it's blood has dried
I'm stuck in time and dead inside

I miss you, Kitteh
I will never survive

Choice

I have no right to live
I have no right to die
I don't understand society
It's a dying mans last sigh

The modern world
Controls the roads
The toll is too high
and I've got no goals
Set the bar so high
That no one gets close
Forbid them to die
and to have a choice

I'll crash the worlds parties
And break all the rules
I'll live my life for me
And I'm captured in my body
But in my mind I am free

Blame

Born without a name
Dead beneath the stains
Of a time lost and forgotten
Just a corpse, faded and rotten

And when I see myself in the mirror
I see a face with eyes burning with her
A crowned life turned upside down
A life once lived but now makes no sound

I made the mistake to invite you up to dance
I dug my own grave when I took your hand
Even now, when she have abandoned me
I can't blame her, I am worthless, indeed

Walls

This tumor in my mind
I can feel it growing
I am helplessly drowning
It is eating me alive

Four walls and no windows
A floor, a ceiling but no door

This tremor in my fish bowl
I can feel it getting closer
I am helplessly screaming
But no one is anywhere close

Four walls and no windows
A floor, a ceiling but no door

Cancer

Cut this cancer out of my brain

Electrocute me, eject this pain

What is it that you see

That makes you fucking feel

Something good inside

Being worth your while

There must be something that I've missed

Desperate to feel anything but this

At Loss

I'm close to giving up
I've gone over again and again
I'm at loss with nothing to win
What could've been, what could've been

Dark clouds surround the sun
Chokes it out, I'm on the run
The shadows stalk me here within
What could've been, what could've been

I can't help but to see
To paint us up in my memory
Nightmares and daymares, forever grim
What could've been, what could've been

Black Picket Fences

I've been waiting for you
Waiting for you to come home
Waiting in vein,
Waiting for you
to come to your senses
But you built black picket fences
And my head is trapped on each pole

I've been waiting for you
Waiting to be released
Waiting in vein,
Just waiting for you
To come to realization
But I'm stuck in a home invasion
Cause you built your new home on my corpse

Breadcrumb Trail

You can't suffer
from what you do not know
So to ever achieve happiness
I need the brain level of a crow

Fly, fly away
Then just sit there and wait
For Hans & Greta to lay out the way

Composition

Drowning in oceans of regret
I can never ever forgive or forget
I'm so lost in abandonment
Every hour is just another instrument
I've got a bow now, and a violin to play
A beautiful last composition of a star shining away
There ain't no way out of here
I'll cut my way out of here

Let Me Be

There are so many things that I'll never see
And if things go my way, I will never be
Let me be, let me be
Protect yourself by guarding me
Is it fair that you can leave?
But I'm stuck here on my knees
Begging you, baby, please
I need you to believe
There's nothing left to need
I am nothing, so I'll proceed
I'll be nothing, I won't breathe
Goodbye, my darling, my belief

Tear Ducts

Staying afloat in a leaking ship
It's so easy, you say, just get a grip
Trying to sail through the eye of the storm
At least, you say, it can't go any more wrong
You say I am tough but it's never enough
I'll be swimming against currents in these tear ducts
Forever after, forever young
I'll be drowning hereafter in the setting sun

Hell

No more mercy
No more truth
Oh my darling,
How could you?

No more thoughts
No more love
No more fear
Only hell for us

Debt

Writing off the causes and regrets
Getting nowhere, I'm stuck in debt
Owing you everything that I never gave
Never getting a chance redeem myself
I'm running from you, my entire world
I've got nothing left aside from words
Forever alone, forever running on
Forever loving, regretting and writing myself off

Redemption

Don't worry, my dear, you belong
Don't you doubt 'cause I'm feeling so strong
And when the feelings disappear
No, my darling, don't you ever fear
'Cause I am a resurrection
Of a man lost but with a redemption
I was gone but I'm
I'm in deep waters

It doesn't matter what I do
It ain't the same without you
In loss, doubt and regret
A reason to lose just to forget

Content

Content
Forgotten
Free
Alive
Dead

What I Might've Known

How do I tell right from wrong
Left from right
I panic, I freeze
I'm done for
We might as well forget
'Cause it kills me knowing
That I had you in my arms
And it's all I've ever known
All I've ever loved,
All I've ever lost

Dead Ends and Paper Airplanes

Någonstans i en återvändsgränd
Finns ett själ och en hemlighet
Gräset gror och jag kan snart ej se
Men viljan att se, syns ej till mer
Glömskan gör sig påmind
När jag kastar pappersflygplan i motvind

Somewhere in a dead end
Is a purpose and a secret
The grass sprouts and soon I can no longer see
But the will to see cannot be seen
The forgetfulness reminds
When I throw paper airplanes in headwind

Tomhet // Emptiness

Jag känner tomheten sväva fram
Jag sträcker mig ut och den tar min hand
Den leder mig bort, långt bort ifrån allt
Tänk vad vi vore om vi inte fanns
Tillsammans så går vi hand i hand
Exploderar från intet i ingenstans
Tillsammans så blommar vi ut i dans
Och för evigt existerar för varann

//

I feel the emptiness flow onward
I reach out and it takes my hand
It leads my away, away from it all
Imagine what we'd be if we didn't exist
Together we walk hand in hand
Exploding out of nothing, nowhere
Together we flourish into a dance
And exist forever for one another

Crash Course In Survivalism

Everything is the same
I took the blame
No release, no care, no hope
Forgive me, my darling, but I cannot cope

Sick of giving up
Sick of moving on
I will shelter myself
Forgive and forget

Crash course
in survivalism
For the dead

False hope and dreary dreams
It might not always be what it seems
Curse the days spent on my own
I never knew I'd die alone

Tame

Sincerity and truth is whispering
In the winds of everything and nothing
You won't hear but you can sense
But on others lies will you depend
Give back to a world that have you tamed
Clock works, money and your name
Live a life for love and honor
Whatever gives you a boner

Time

Same routine once again
Another day goes by
My mind is numb
I'm feeling dumb
I need something more than time

A price I pay for every day
A reckless mothers crime
My head is bleeding
My fears are breeding
I'm lost in a maze of time

The wounds will heal
So you say
But wounds are all surrounding
The hope is fleeing
All I'm receiving
Is an endless counting

Failure

Heart sailer
Mind failure
Finish it,
do it fast
Twist the knife
in my back

I made some mistakes
I never have what it takes
To not suffer alone, to stay
I'm just running to nowhere, away

Wash my hands, in bloody water
Curse the day that life was bothered
Just leaking all of the time
Cleanse the body, kill the mind

Clean

I'm clean
Out of order but clean
Trapped underneath my own skin
But I'm clean

I'm clean
Starting anew as I clean
The times and the dust inbetween
Nothing can touch me
I'm clean

Clean
The guilt and the sorrow in me
The destruction of all is foreseen
Caught in a dream
Which I clean

Undead

Brothers and sisters, rejoice
Hear this, the sound of my voice
The true and the undead, arise and retrieve
I need somebody to make me believe

I am so broken
These are the longest nights
But the days are even longer
Without you

They tell me that this is love
Pray to the flawless stars above
Shit happens and you forfeit
But this time, I just can't forget

I am so broken
These are the longest nights
But the days are even longer
Without you

I am so broken
These days are endless
Frozen in time, forever hopeless
Without you

Sunshine

Lying down for the first time
I can hardly see for the way you shine
Trying hard to not let you down
Trying hard to not let me drown

Shave the sheep, die from cold
It doesn't matter what I am told
Bringing me to a better place
A cloud as soft as your glorious face
Warming and sheltering from the winds
The gentle sun showering therein

Ghost

This is where I left me
You would understand if you were here
I promised I'd never leave
And I never did
I just can't go on this way
You shot me
And you are bleeding me dry
The sound waves of this heart so shy
Deprived of death
Just finish it
Just lies spread to fill a void
The smiles forgotten, a world destroyed
Give us another beating
I will never stop beating
As long as you live
I will haunt you 'til the day you die
Returning the favor, there is no time

Lie

I'm sick of screaming
Sick of dreaming
Car crash of the heart, all day, every day
I just want to kiss you goodbye, if I may
Do you hear my cries?
I'm so sick of my goodbyes
You must be sick of them too
I'll stop bothering you soon
Just this one more lie
One kiss, before I die

Lonesome

I care too much
I give in too much
I miss your touch
More than just a crutch
We dance with the stars
We die lonely and apart
Where did we become I?
When did your love for me die?
The dance is over
We have lost the fight
Hold onto the stars
With all of your might
I love you so much
But it was never enough

Mute

It's just a little too vague to say
What is left to do?
It's all ruined now
What is left to say?
I forgot how to speak anyway
The flames surrounds me night and day

Black Heart

When I suffer, I let go
I go painting black
No more, no more of this
My heart was split,
you were my heart attack

Weeds growing inside my head
Planes crashing, words we forget
Why?

I remember you clear as blue
Darkest of blue
It was never enough
I told you

There were times
that outran the watch
Forever drowning in your eyes
I can see, I can see,
but can never ever touch

When I suffer, I let go
I'll go painting you
Beautiful landscapes to show
As a love so filthy and true

No more, no more of this
Our hearts skipping beats
My black heart will skip forevermore
The earth will crumble for you
My shattered tomb floats into a silent noose

iSAMD

The feeling of a rotting heart
The beating slowly burning out
Notions of the divine and the gratuitous
All the lies written, all the lies
A wooden house burning down
Oh, how could you be so blind?
It doesn't hurt to be kind
Or does it?
For your own good, or your neighbor?
For the so called love of your life?
Selfish action meat device

Roadkill

What is love?
You don't run out of love
I love who I thought you were
Now you're just a roadkill
Nothing but a rotting something
Dead

Painting

The paint is running
The paint is running out

The painting started
But never finished
Just a great whiteness
Of nothing setting apart
The painting started
But never finished

The paint is running
The paint is running out

It's all over
There is no art
Cause I'm nothing
without my heart
Now I'm running dry
Cause I painted with blood

The paint is running
The paint is running dry

Wish

I see the sun
Creeping behind my eyes
underneath, there is life

The horror, oh the horror
The sorrow, oh the sorrow
The dying wish of a widower

The last wish of the last man

Game Over

Fuck
What's the use?
It's pointless, I only lose
What game is left playing?
All the lies, cheating, what's the saying?
Don't hate the player, hate the game
What's the difference?
The player is the game, it's all the fucking same
I quit, I've done it before
That way I won't be losing no more
This time there's no comeback
No return, no counter attack
A cut deeper than yours
No guilt, no shame, no remorse

Sick

Why do I miss you so fucking much?
I don't want to anymore
I'm sick of wishing
I just wanted something more
Why'd you use me
then just cut my throat?
Why did I have to be your boat?
That leaked and sunk to the bottom
That now seem to be lost and forgotten
Why can't you stop haunting me?
Why can't you just leave me be?
Fuck
I fucking trusted you

Dreaming

I've been waiting for you
It's such a shame
But it's not up for choose
I sure always took the blame
Forever fear the pain of loss
Feel nothing ever, for anyone
I cannot deal with another toss

It's all over now
So much for the fun
Fear everything now
When the end has begun

It's all downhill from here
The fog shadows but the end is near
The man in the box, shot out
I feel the gravity pulling me down
Fevered dreams of a man in a cloud
The shooting stars are masked
No more wishes to left to grant
I just wish I would've asked
The dream is over and now I can't.

Destiny

Where else could I be?
What could I have done differently?
Ain't it funny, destiny?
I was born to die
Nothing will change, but give it a try
But I have to have lived to be able to die
So I guess that I was dead all along
No wonder that you left me alone
That is how I shall remain
Alone and filled with pain
But my agony's about to end
Feelings buried, letter sent
Goodbye, my love

Heart

Everything is going to hell
And I can breathe
I can see my heart
Beat in and out of step
It is getting crowded here.

Bones

I don't think they understand.
No one knows.
My body is giving in.
My mind is trembling.
I am no longer here.
Floating ashore nowhere.
That is where my heart is.
That is where there are no words.
That is my empty home,
And that is where I shall lay my bones.

Terra

I heard the planet crying.
I started crying.
The warmth, the bright shining light.
The snow melting before my eyes.
My eyes melt before its cries.
I see myself within these ties.

Distant

I don't want to hurt no more
Why is there no way out of this?
Every sigh is just another miss
I don't want to hurt anymore
I don't want to die on my own
There has to be a way out of here
'Cause where I am, nothing is near
I am distant like a rock out in space
I look but all I see is her face
I can't take it no more
I am drowned, swallowed, washed ashore
There has to be a way out of this
'Cause without her I am just another miss

The Bull

Tango about
Turn around your third world eye
Guns are ablazing
Tear up the nuclear sky
Penicillin lies about the weather here
A bullet will surely make it clear

Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns

Dropping baggage just to float away
In your air balloon of justice
It will all fade to gray
All the words I mouthed
Every promise, every sound
Airwaves lost in many years of doubt

Tie down the bull,
for it has horns
Stay away from the rose,
for it has its thorns

The Kübler-Ross Model

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Repeat

Endless spiral
The rain ain't getting wetter
They fucking lied
It never gets better.

God

One God, only one God
Who's there to save you
One thought, only one thought
That is you
You are God

Who's the creator of everything?
You create this world every goddamn day
In your fucking head

Who knows?
Who can you trust?
What can you trust?
Your government?
Your family?
Your fucking self?

One God, only one God
Who giveth and who taketh
One thought, only one thought
You are the only one who really cares

We live in our heads
We talk to ourselves
We pollute each other
With fucking bullshit
We feed each other with a meaning
Which is a fucking lie

One God, only One God
We are our own lord
One thought, only one thought
We are our own lie

This is fucking pointless
Kill yourself.

The Truth Hurts

I hope that you read every word
Cause every word I write's for you
About you

"you are the sun, and I am the earth"

My world revolves around you
You say I'm mad,
at least I mean what I say
At least I keep my intentions on the radar
Cause I ain't no lying piece of shit like you

I hope you drown and wash ashore
With no place left to go
I might be there,
I might be gone forever
All I know is that because of you,
I will never ever recover
Never ever

Does that sound fair to you?
Or to your replacement of a man?
Is he the one?
Did you lie to us both all along?

Well done,
I hope you're satisfied
You have completely destroyed
The one who you claimed to love

Fake

I pray for this train,
this car, this plane
To crash and to burn,
to collide with me

Tear this world apart
Not much left to keep
The scavengers even flee
It hurts more to be than to hurt

Fuck

Was anything real?
I am surrounded by carnivore beasts, liars, beggars and fakes
Dress to impress the studio audience

Play your games, dear
Keep your act together
Abuse your powers, your authority
Anything to keep your head above water

Sinking Ships

You were my blinding light
In my darkness
Is this living?

I don't want to see anymore
Blinding darkness
Sinking in

You lied, you lied, I believed
You said you could
only ever love me

You laugh last
I die fast
Were we not meant to be?
To be

I were never meant to be
I was born a bastard lie
Now I have to pay for staying me

You sank my entire fleet
You burnt my bridge
You left me out for the sharks to feed

Sailing in Space pt. II

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing

Every time the same old routine
Slit my throat, ghost ship out at sea

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing

I move my limbs from place to place
But my tree was planted within our space

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing

Ghost ship out at sea, harboring in anything
Sold my anchor, my heart, to thee

Cry out
Hear nothing
Say nothing
Perish

Ultraviolet Solar Radiation vs. Mankind

I gasp
There is no air
There ain't no air here

I've been carrying
This garbage all my life
There ain't never no trash can in sight
Give up hope, throw it on the ground
Planet Earth was lost and shamed
long before I was born anyway

I gasp
There ain't no air
I grasp
There's nothing there

Sprained Souls

I didn't know better
I did not know anything else
Now I care less and less
Learn to live or to live less
The knee I rest upon
Slowly, slowly crack
It might as well have been my back

Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Dead, less dead
Alive, less alive

I told you, I promised
My love to you is golden
Take turns with your alter ego
To break your promises
The knee we rested upon,
Bit for bit, would slowly crack
It might as well have been my back

Lower, lower
Heavy, heavier
Alive, more alive
Dead, more dead

As if I could die any more...

Sailing In Space

For those that will prevail
For those that walk astray
I guess I am of the latter
And I hope for something better

But reality prevails
And life decays

I look for nothing
I found this something
To meet ones maker
Ones mother, ones creator

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space

I turn fluid from all the booze
I leak into this noose
For forever had its limit
Like our universe is as timid

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space


For those that can believe
For those not lost at sea
That hold onto that mast
It's all a lie, our lives run fast

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space

There's no driver at the wheel
It's better that way
There's no anchor in my boat
I anchored once, never more

But reality prevails,
I sink and sink
There's no more wind in my sails
There's no wind in space

Bruised

I want out of this hell,
I want to believe that there's a way
out of here
I wish I could see another path ahead
It's filled with bruised redemptions
None real, none true

I want to believe there's a way
out of here
I want out of this hell
But I don't see any piers anywhere
the darkness and sharks have swallowed me.

Petroleum Skies

Give up

I wore you thin
My place in this universe
I wore within
My tomb, my love, my hearse

Give up

Terrible notions
Lost for the living
Humble emotions
Forgotten and forgiven

Give up

I saw you shine
Through petroleum heavy skies
I saw something divine
I saw infinity in your eyes

Give up

Leeches and Vampires / Hope and Love

How many times do I have to give up?
How many times do I have to give in?
I love you so much that I have to let go
But I love you enough to never do so

I write and I write and I write myself off
I write 'till my fingers wither and fall off
My hope has been buried once too many times
but "her love is a vampire", and she will arise and comply

Leech till there's nothing left to bleed
Blood and love, what is the difference?
Puncture my veins and bleed me dry
Give me hope and abandon again, when do I learn?

When do I learn and how do I know
When do you stop and when will you show
When to stop waiting, where to bury the spade
I'll bury my spade with you, my love, my vampire, my grave.

For You

I want to live in an alternative universe
I want to stay alive, or stay buried
I want to live my life long or short

I want to cope with myself and with my broken heart
I want to have my dreams back
I want to create art

I want to live in an alternative universe
Where time doesn't exist
Where you die before birth

I want to live in an alternative universe
Where you are alive
Where I drive a hearse

Tell the ghosts that we never met
Tell my tears to never grow shed
Say the things you want to hear
Bear the burdens you carry to my ear

I want to live in an alternative universe
Where we never left
Where I'm arrested for theft

I dug my grave quite well
You dug one faster though
In it, of your hands, I will forever dwell

I am struggling alone with this chapter
Will the book end or go on
And what will it matter after?

Declared Depressed But Fine

What does it matter?
Your treatment, medicine and psychiatrists
I am back at square one
And there is only one square in this game.

Home II

Home, it rocks you up and down
Home, it follows you around
Home, where your feet are always cold
Home, where you never grow old

Home, a place to call your own
Home, a place where you share your throne

Home, loving strangers and love them blind
Home, the sack of every new born child
Home, it flocks you among sheep
Home, it slits your throat when you fall asleep

Home is where I am
Home is where I end
Home are these flesh and bones
This home is my home is my home.

Dr. Sadomasochism

I am a person
Unlike you

Suicidal?
Self-harm?
ED?
Ever had any of these?

I am a person
Unlike you
Unlike anyone

I wish you a merry world
of tragedy and suffering
I'm half your age
I've got twice your brain

You are not suited
for this line of work
Please...
Just fuck off.

The Law of 5

What is real?
What I can touch?
What I can see?
The radio waves of a snoring man.

What is real?
What I can I trust,
And who can I trust?
My whole existence in a shoebox

A man is only what he knows
A man is only what he believes
The 5 senses, the 5 sensations
The law of 5 and a spoon of inspiration

But man is but a dreaming child
The wild desires are running wild
To become this and to become that
Orchestra a play so blind, be the mouse or be the rat

Karma

Sick of pep talk
Sick of these sharks
Nibbling at my heels
And then telling me how it feels
Fuck off and get pregnant
I could care less about your fake ass sentiment
Where were you back then
I hate my species for thinking they care 'bout their specimen
But it's a fact that human being
Only do good, for the receiving

We are our only friend
No need to pretend
You feed off emotion
Until it's gone
They cast no reflection
Give no affection
They cast no shadow and
You will cast none either in the end.

Ebola Geisha

I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past

Take on Egypt
Quicksand encrypt
Take on Russia
Fulfill with vodka

I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past

Take on Asia
Enola geisha
Take on American dreaming
Free every living being

I awake to nothing
I drink three cups of coffee
Return to sleep at last
Dreamless pause from the past

Free every living being
Wipe out everything

Life Camp

You shall not lie
You shall lie
It doesn't matter
They will shoot you either way

I have lived
I have witnessed
Show me mercy,
Let me live

You shall not laugh
You shall not cry
They will have no mercy
So get in line

No smiles,
No songs,
No hopes,
No dreams

Work for the man
And you will never be free.

The End = The Beginning

The sun rises once more
The son arises from his tomb therefore
I walk among with the aura that drags me
I walk along with the sun and thee
The weights, the carriage, it weighs me down
The shakes in my legs, the social break-ins at dawn
I cry out in fear and anxiety
Please take me out, please, out of this society
The knees give in and shatter
As I realize, well, what does it matter?
The sun downs once again
The aura drags me along to my tomb, where I shall remain.
Oh never again, not a chance in hell
That I'll return to your ruins in your shell
Ghost towns all across the world
Nuclear war has annihilated your words
Then I shall return, when there is nothing but your bones
When the sun won't rise, I shall claim my throne.

Trash Can

I lived all of my life in a trash can
Nothing but, but it was enough
A trash can

Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand

My world is a trash can
I only live of your trash can
You only offer me trash, man
How the hell am I supposed to react then?


Never give up, never give up
The rats are my friends
Never give up, try to get it up
I only use one hand

The Underworld

We live in the underworld
Is this the underworld?

It's not how I pictured it
but I went by how they painted it

This is the underworld
It has to be the underworld
And we shall never rise
For we have no upper world.

Idiots

I'm surrounded by idiots
We are all idiots
If one live among idiots,
one shall become one.
Fucking idiots.

Trees and Sharks

The greatest fascination
The exploding reaction
The deepest fear
The ruthless tears
The settling with dissatisfaction
The end is here
The giving in to

Muse

I remember the beautiful rain
The soothing sounds from the warm insides
Now that I remind myself, all I feel is pain
And how could I ever feel otherwise,
My muse

All you ever did was to pretend
You had it all planned out
You set up and played the end
You always knew that I wouldn't survive without
My muse

From the foreign fields that I'll never see
I depart and picture us there
I refuse to be what you want me to be
Without you, the home for me is nowhere near,
My muse

I sit here and wait for the meds to take effect
I play the guitar, while I don't know how
I play the notes of a de-winged insect
I play what I feel and that is sorrow,
My muse

I think of you and I break all the strings
You are haunting and hunting
I try to fly, but I have no wings
I don't think the meds are working,
My muse

My muse, may I call you my muse
You are no longer mine so I have nothing to loose
I will break his skull beneath my shoes
And after that, I'll surely get my noose,
My muse.

Lies-ha

I awoke hungover from all these meds
I thought to myself that if I could have one wish,
I'd wish I'd never been born

It'll take more than chemicals, empty talks and a good nights sleep
To recover from this disease that you have given me
We can blame everything and everyone
But I blame you for giving me a reason to breathe

And I blame you, mom and dad,
For being so irresponsible and dumb
You gave me life but now I'm dead
Accidents happen, right?
And the trickery and lies that resulted in me
And the treachery and lies that came down to this.

I have no more words left in me.

Better Off Dead

I wonder what went through your head after you hung up.
"he's better off dead"?
What else is there
I guess I have nothing good to offer.
I guess you will never love me again.
Or that you never did.
So what is left?
A girl with a broken heart
A boy with a broken world
I guess I am better off dead.

Trapped Under Ice

Trapped under the ice
On which you're watching
Please break the ice
Or walk away

I am frozen and I am cramping
One can only hold one's breath for so long

The hopes and dreams of a young man
Bubbles crashing upon the downside ice
Less and less, smaller and smaller
The bubbles fade
as the young man that I was
Turn blue and gray
The water fills the lungs of me
And I become one with the sea.

Black Widow

A thousand lonely suicides
The trees leak of suicides
The wind breathe of suicides

Will this be the night
Will this be your night

Will I end what we once started
And leave you to your empty li(e)ves
Your next victim
Will he turn out like us?

M.A.D.

There is no end to this song
But there is to this world
Our world was separated
Enemies without a cause


Love from first sight, and hate from first thought
Hate from first sight, and love from first thought


I no longer know how to defend myself
I can't surrender, I can't let go
We were made for each other
Mutual Assured Destruction


Nuke me,
Nuke you,
Nuke them,
Nuke us all.

Crucified

I am awaiting nothing.
I am awaiting the executioner.
I can imagine that this is how Jesus felt
When he walked up to the hill.

Crucified.
Upside down.

You are every thorn biting into my skull.
Every burden that the universe holds upon my shoulders.
Every nail into my body and every pain felt in this world.
But do I forgive you?

Crucified
Upside down.